Ugly, fat, stupid, lazy, selfish, stubborn, uncaring, ignorant, belligerent, argumentative, problematic, not meek, not humble, low-class, possessed…
I have been called all of those things and more. As hurtful as they are, I am happy to have heard every single one of them.
Those type of judgments tumble out of the mouths of people who are faced with the reality, they can’t control me. They wanted to control me or the situation at the very least, but, they failed. With that failure comes the desperate attack: “Tracy, you’re just…’ whatever they think will get me to submit. Or, one final parting shot to get the last word in.
Fyi -needing to have the last word is an indication of a control issue.
Insults are opportunities. With each one comes a choice. One- I can give the manipulator the control they want by giving them the reaction they expect. Two- I can come under the burden of judgment and crawl around wearing those stones on my back. Or, three- I can put it under me and use it as a stepstool to get to my next level.
I choose number three.
To be clear, I’m not talking about sucking it up; pretending it doesn’t hurt. I’m talking doing what needs to be done to make them stop. Walking away, illuminating the facts, tearing them a new one –whatever the situation calls for, I choose number three. Because sometimes, I can’t get to where I’m going without a boost. That box of BS is just the right height.
The truth of the insult makes no difference here. Because it is not about truth. It’s about perspective. Theirs. Perspective is colored by need. I didn’t become uncaring until I said no. The person who called me stubborn thought I was determined when I was helping them get what they wanted. My character didn’t change. Just the benefit to them. Attempting to live up to another person’s perspective will take the who right out of you. You can’t be you if you’re busy fitting an image.
Plus, there is a flipside.
The dark irony concerning judgments is they have more control over the speaker than the victim. As stated, I have choices. I can break those judgments. In fact, they have to be broken. If not, they will take effect. (You are who you think you are. Children become what they are taught. Believing the lie. It’s all documented.) But, insults and judgments are boomerangs.
Let me explain.
The person who labeled me argumentative also labeled themselves as seeing me as argumentative. They have planted that prejudice like a tree in their perception. They’ve burdened themselves with having to maintain their garden of decrees. Because they’ve decided I’m argumentative, they have to prepare for a disagreement whenever I am near. What I say or do isn’t pertinent. I’m being filtered through their expectations.
This is why gossip is so dangerous. You will get what you pay for. The more judgments you throw, the darker your vision becomes. Keep talking smack about people because they don’t do what you want them to do and eventually you will go blind.
Which brings us back to why I can be happy I have heard those hurtful negative comments. One- Once I deal with them (and the speaker) I can check it off my list and not be hurt by it again. Two- I’m not under someone’s control (they’d be a lot happier if I were). Three- I’m moving. The direction may/may not need to be evaluated, but you don’t get anywhere without moving. And my personal favorite- people who nurture those negative, controlling, blinding mindsets aren’t going where I’m going.
I had someone tell me once, I was not educated or talented enough to be a writer. I have no idea where that person went. I was too busy writing.